Someone once said that, life provides us with free
gifts which if held on to dearly will have a lasting mark on our lives. Such
free gifts include the gift of life, the gift of family, the gift of good
health, the gift of forgiveness of sin, the gift of happiness, the gift of
love, the gift of hope and the gift of friendship. I remember a motivational
speaker who once told us in high school that ‘your worth in life in determined
by the kind of people you associate with.’ He went on to say, ‘your net worth
is commensurate to your net work.’ These words reminded me of an old saying
‘show me your friends and I will tell you who you are.’ In other words a
person’s character is better explained by the kind of friends one hangs around.
Character is contagious; you eventually become similar to the kind of people
you hang out with.
Psychologists have through scientific research
proven beyond reasonable doubt that friends play a big role on an individual’s
decisions and actions. This is particularly so because we human beings are
social beings and we are in constant search for associations and
companionships, sometimes we may be forced in to changing our character in
order to feel accepted and approved by people we desire to be associated with.
I once made a presentation to high school students about friendship formation
and I gave them this poem;
“Fake
friends are like my shadow, they walk with me whenever I go and will stick with
me for as a long as there is sun shine in my life.
But
when clouds gather and there is no more sunshine in my life, I discover that I
am alone because like flowers, they die as soon as they bloom
They
are like this mosquito that makes circles around me without giving up hope,
hopping to get a drop of blood but as soon as they get what they want, I become
a liability and a non entity, Unwanted and not useful.
I
may be able to protect myself from my enemies because I look out for them and I
build walls between me and them, but against my friends, I am helpless and defenceless.
For
the short life that God has blessed me with, I have realized that friends are
more likely to hurt you than your enemies are.
So
whoever you are, whatever you do, take caution; keep your enemies in check but
your friends, take time to know them.”
I can draw an analogy of how dangerous friends are
from a description of ancient war. Long ago before guns were invented, men went
to war with shield, spears and swords. The combat was in the battle field and
for a solder to be more comfortable, the enemy was to be in front of him so
that he can judge when to swing the sword and when to lift up the shield to
protect himself. It was pretty simple…..so it seems. We also need to understand
that the solder was not alone, he was fighting alongside colleagues. Since the
enemy is in front of him, his comrades would be behind him and the solder would
be so concentrated on the enemy in front of him such that he does not mind
whoever is behind. This is because he is aware that whoever is behind him is a
team member, a colleague and a brother he could count on, but what if the
colleague behind him turns against him and sticks
a sword in his neck? The solder would have no chance to defend himself.
Think of yourself as a soldier in the battle
field. You have your enemies well defined and very visible. The enemy could be
the hurdles in your way to success, predictable dangers in your life and
poverty that you have to conquer in order to get to your goals. Fighting
alongside you are people you have chosen to trust with your life. They are on
your blind side. The question is; are the soldiers on your blind side truly
trustworthy? Or are they the kind that will stick an arrow in your back and
live you for the dead? The point I seek to advance here is; do you know your
friends beyond their full name? Do you know their character? Do you know their
aspirations? Do you know their short comings? Have you asked them why they are
your friends? Are you benefiting from their friendship? Can they hold you up if
you fall?
You see, a friend is someone you trust and whose
character you admire. He/she is a partner both in time of need and plenty. A
friend is someone who will tell you the truth no matter how difficult it may
sound. He/she is someone with whom you share aspiration and dreams. The holy
book says two cannot walk together unless they agree. Meaning you will not have
a friend whose character you disagree with. Friends have a great influence on
our character and attitude. Friends can be the reasons why we become motivated
and happy or could be reasons why we miss out on our future dreams. They can be
reasons why you pick up bad habits or drop some bad habits. When choosing
friends, you need to choose people with these qualities,
- Respectable: they must be people you can respect and who can respect you back
- Real and truthful: they should be the kind of people capable of telling you the truth always.
- Inspirational: they should inspire you to dream big and achieve more.
- Excellent character: they should have a strong enviable character.
- Present in your life: friends should be there for you should you need them.
- Have similar dreams as yours: they should ride with you in the same boat and think same as you.
- Uncomplicated and easy to understand: you need to have an easy time figuring out who your friends are.
- Loving: friends should be with you not because of what you have but rather because they value your friendship.
- Empathetic: they should be people capable of walking with you through your troubles and help you seek solutions.
Please note that, in order to attract good friends
you must be a good friend yourself. Anyone missing these qualities is a snake
and should be avoided. If you keep good company you are more likely to succeed.
If you keep bad company you are doomed to fail. Bad friends will cause you to drift
away from your vision and hinder you from achieving your goals.
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